Healthy boundaries are often talked about as rules or scripts, what to say, how to say no, when to leave. But before we can communicate a boundary clearly, we have to feel where our edges are internally. This lesson explores boundaries not only as concepts, but as sensations in the body and expressions through creative process. We begin with a short visualization, move into intuitive mark-making, and then reflect on how boundaries show up in daily life. I’ll discuss how to explore healthy boundaries: feeling them in your body, not just thinking about them. There are several videos as part of this blog in case you’d rather explore the topic in that form.
This often shows up in my practice as people pleasing. My clients also find themselves jumping to act before thinking or breathing into how their body feels. Another way is through giving too much because out of obligation and then feeling resentful.
You can watch the full video lesson here. This is part of a live series I did about how I work.
https://youtu.be/wUCBdF32xyI?si=ljh55b0iIwPwD8Jw
Why Boundaries Are Felt Before They Are Spoken
Many people try to set boundaries intellectually through memorizing phrases, rehearsing conversations, or reading scripts. But if your nervous system does not feel centered, those words can collapse under pressure.
A boundary is not just a sentence.
It is an internal alignment. It’s energetic and a body felt sense.
When we discredit our own needs, the result is often anxiety, resentment, or exhaustion. When we are connected to an inner center, we recognize sooner when something presses too hard against us.
Healthy boundaries reduce shame.
They do not increase it.
When shame is stuck, then its time to do some grieving and figure out where all those feelings of guilt are coming from.
A Body-Centered Visualization for Boundaries
One of the most effective ways to explore boundaries is through visualization and sensation rather than analysis.
You can try this yourself with a candle or another external focal point:
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Notice your breath and weight in the chair.
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Choose a “center point” in your body — heart, belly, head, or shoulders.
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Sense where you end in space. Is it your skin? Your personal bubble? Your breath?
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Then notice an external point outside of you.
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Shift awareness between center → edges → other.
This exercise is not about getting it “right.”
It is about noticing how your awareness changes.
If you’d like a guided version, you can follow along here:
https://youtu.be/7grvCsk88iw?si=1OQ3_MEZULUDLdrT
Understanding Personal Energy and Space
When two people interact, their emotional tone, physical presence, and even pacing influence one another. Some people take up a great deal of space. Others minimize themselves. We also fluctuate, like weather systems, depending on mood, stress, hormones, sleep, and environment. Our interface between us and the environment is like that of a cloud, its permeable and diffuse.
Boundaries are not rigid walls.
They are awareness of where we end and another begins.
Sometimes the clearest signal is discomfort: someone standing too close, sharing too much, or expecting immediate access to your time or emotions. Don’t feel bad about your internal reaction, learn from it. It is wisdom, even if you consciously don’t know what it is trying to tell you.
An Art Exercise for Mapping Your Boundaries
Art allows us to explore boundaries symbolically and intuitively rather than verbally. The goal is exploration, not performance.
Try this prompt:
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Draw yourself in the center of a page — a name, dot, symbol, or simple figure.
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Around that, draw your non-negotiables — the boundaries that are firm.
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Outside of that, add shifting or flexible boundaries.
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Use color, shapes, distance, or imagery to represent privacy, touch, time, or emotional space.
There is no right or wrong way.
Mistakes are information.
Your response to the drawing matters more than the drawing itself.
You can follow a guided art version here:
https://youtu.be/u_S-58CibGQ?si=64-CCByzXKlwr4B9
As always with my art prompts, this isn’t about making a pretty picture, it’s about connecting and listening to yourself. If you find ourself overwhelmed by that, you don’t have a good enough emotional container to hold it and still feel calm and safe. This is one of the main benefits of therapy, emotional containment.
Boundaries, Shame, and Codependence
Boundaries are often discouraged culturally, especially for caregivers or people-pleasers. But without internal boundaries, we end up managing other people’s reactions instead of honoring our own needs.
This is closely related to codependent patterns, where internal boundaries blur and self-worth becomes tied to external approval. This article offers a helpful exploration of recognizing and breaking those cycles:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/addiction-and-recovery/201908/boundaries-and-the-dance-of-the-codependent
Codependency is different than interdependence. You can need people and care deeply about people. It’s the power struggle and self abandonment that is the issue. Many of my clients struggle with these patterns of behavior because they are multi-generational strategies that are learned at an incredible young age. Therefore they are unconscious reactions. In therapy, I help my clients become more aware of them and untangle themselves from the automatic responses and build a new way to be in relationship.
Boundaries With Family and Guilt
Setting boundaries with parents or family members can be especially difficult because guilt is often woven into the relationship. Guilt-tripping is not a sign of a healthy bond.
Parents choose to have children.
Children do not choose their parents.
As adults, we do have choices about distance, access, and emotional limits.
This episode from This Jungian Life explores the question many people carry quietly:
“What do I owe abusive or harmful parents?”
https://thisjungianlife.com/caring-for-harmful-parents/
Boundaries are not punishment.
They are clarity.
Giving Yourself Leeway and Exit Strategies
Healthy boundaries are not only internal feelings; they are also practical preparations:
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Driving yourself to events
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Taking breaks when overwhelmed
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Having a phrase ready to step away
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Scheduling recovery time
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Allowing yourself physical space
Think of it as clear egress — knowing you can leave if needed.
Leeway is not selfish. It is stabilizing.
And often, once you have some healthy boundaries set as your new normal, you become healthier physically. You feel better mind, body, and soul and then have more energy available to you to engage in other creative pursuits in your life.
Closing Reflection
Boundaries are not about controlling others.
They are about recognizing and honoring your own center and knowing your limits any given day.
Art, visualization, and reflective practices give us ways to sense those edges before we try to verbalize them. When we reconnect with our internal alignment, boundaries become less about conflict and more about self-respect.
Through all this you can start to learn what you yearn for. It makes space for the new way.
Maggi Colwell
Maggi is a licensed art therapist at Columbus Art Therapy who assists their clients to discover more of themselves through dream analysis, art therapy, shadow work, and depth psychotherapy. They specialize in working with grief and loss as well as c-PTSD. Click the button to sign up for Maggi's newsletter to get notifications about new blogs and upcoming events including workshops, groups, rituals, and art.