Break Free from the Cycle of Self Sacrifice
Caretaking,
People-Pleasing, and Perfectionism
Have you felt the relentless tug of people-pleasing and perfectionism? As a caretaker, you anticipate and manage everyone’s needs.. the kids, your spouse, your boss.
You juggle your time off with completing chores and making sure that everything runs smoothly. You plan out the details so that the holidays can work for the kids and what your parents want.
Your soul is tired…there has to be a better way.
You never have time for yourself.
You feel like you’re at odds with yourself. You can rest once you finish the laundry… the dishes… the goals for the company’s 4th quarter… Once you finish grading finals, you can rest. You’re pushing yourself.
But then there are things that you need to catch up on, the stuff you’ve been putting off. The reading you are doing to be a better person, the knitting project you promised your sister, how long ago was that?
So much guilt. Even if you had time to rest, the guilt won’t let you rest. You can’t seem to have fun and relax even when you have time off.
You show up when everyone else is falling apart. But there’s a price to pay with this cycle and the price bears interest.
Sound Like You?
Do you struggle with prioritizing yourself?
Do you find yourself too tired to relax or focus on the things you enjoy? Do you find yourself either unable to sit down and then unable to sleep?
This is adrenal fatigue. It’s a common concern for especially women in our culture. It’s hard to stop behavioral patterns such as people-pleasing and perfectionism on your own. Especially, when it can be expected from you by your family members, your family growing up, work, and the culture around you.
Perhaps you are a Caretaker:
You are caretaking an ill parent or a child with special needs. You are the go-to. You do your research, follow the care instructions, advocate with their care team. You also help them remember their appointments, their medication, and tend to their unending emotional needs.
When is there time for you? When do you get a break? Even if you can manage some sort of respite care, you are still on call. The more involved the care gets, the less of you there seems to be. Did you use to have dreams? Who are you anyway?
- If you had been caretaking for an extended time and find yourself wondering how to pick up the pieces or where to start over once they pass, please see my grief page.
Or maybe you’re the kind of person who has always said that “I can’t meditate…”
Then check out my art therapy meditation technique videos here. I am right there with you. I need something to keep my mind busy too to trick myself into getting into the groove with it.
Sometimes you just don’t understand why you can’t seem to explain what you need to other people. You’re smart, why can’t you get this self-care thing right?
More self-care isn’t going to fix this. A bath, a nap, even a massage isn’t going to stop this.
Here’s What We Can Do Together
Therapy can help you re-evaluate and navigate major changes in your life.
Change can be difficult, I get that. That’s why therapy helps rework ingrained patterns at the root level, the ones you may not even be aware of how they are playing out in your life and robbing you of your energy, joy, and a sense of meaning, of connection.
I help you figure out what your core needs are, the ones you abandoned a long time ago. I help you learn to set boundaries and at the same time, put the guilt and the shame to rest, once and for all. It is a process, that takes work, but it is so worth it.
You’ll find yourself no longer putting yourself last, and gaining more energy and focus for the things that really matter instead of being buried under the minutia.
Here’s the thing, making those changes and setting different guidelines, limits, and boundaries for yourself and others, will actually be healthier for your loved ones too. You will be modeling ways to set healthy limits so that your daughters won’t be trapped in this cycle of self-sacrifice, guilt, shame, and over-working either.
This is true compassion. It’s a practice. In fact, it is one of the main things that most of my clients discover as they start working with art therapy. They encounter the inner criticism, the perfectionism, the self-judgement. As we work through it in the artwork, you’ll find it is easier to recognize and deal with in the rest of your life. There is a subtle energy to it, which can be insidious when you’re rushing about through life, but once you see it, you can’t unsee it.
I will teach you ways to notice when you are ramping up your nervous system and help you regulate, in our sessions together. With meditation tools, breathing techniques, and creative bio-feedback processes in art therapy, you’ll gain ways to catch yourself when the stress cycle starts.
Your Journey Starts Here
I work with what will work with YOU as an individual soul
Imagine what life could be like…
You’re rested and energized.
You are able to do things for you without feeling guilty.
You are able to model healthy boundaries for your kids and heal from multigenerational wounds.
If you find that you haven’t been able to work through it on your own, no matter what you try, therapy might be the best option for you. I pay attention to you as we work through your process together so that you can be more conscious of what is happening in your body. We’ll work together to tweak techniques so that they help you as an individual.
Click the button below to get started.
Frequently Asked Questions
What if I’ve never been to therapy before?
“You talk about depth psychology as the next step after traditional therapy, but what if I’ve never been to therapy before? Is depth work right for me?”
Short answer: yes. While I do talk about depth psychology as the next phase of therapy after doing some foundational work, I can help you with that as well. If you’ve never been in therapy before, I will help you build the skills you need to dive further.
No one plunges into the depths of the ocean without first knowing how to use SCUBA gear. The same is true for depth psychotherapy. We will first work to establish some appropriate ways to help you when/if you feel overwhelmed. This could be through some breathing exercises, meditation, or other grounding techniques. Once you feel confident in your ability to deal with distress, we can begin wading in. This is always at your pace and when you are ready. I am always assessing your comfort. This is one of the beauties of depth psychotherapy. I am not following a strict protocol or worksheet. Life is not a fill-in-the-blank; your psyche isn’t either. I try to attune to your needs and comfort level as you are ready for each step.
Is Depth Psychotherapy really better than CBT?
It’s really not a matter of which one is better or worse than the other as both serve a function. If you are in constant distress or in a crisis, CBT and/or medication may be the first step to helping you find relief the fastest.
If you are ready to dive deeper into your subconscious and develop a greater sense of awareness and fulfillment, depth psychotherapy may be a good fit for you.
How long does depth work take?
The answer, of course, is it varies. True depth work is never-ending and many clients find benefit in either continued work or revisiting it over the course of many years. As much as we know, there is so much that we do not yet understand- the unconscious mind is just one part of that mystery.
Most clients will work with me for a minimum of weekly sessions for 3 to 6 months. After that, they may choose to continue with ongoing work to enhance their lives. I will work with you to determine what fits best for you.
How do I get started with depth therapy in Columbus?
Getting started is easy. The first step is to schedule your free, online initial consultation. During this conversation, we will explore your goals for therapy, give you the opportunity to ask questions about how I work, and determine if we are a great fit for each other. If we feel like we can jam, we will then schedule your intake session ASAP.
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